It's a Nice Day for a Coup d'Etat
by My Barbaric YAWP
Summary: The King is dead; long live the Queen. Ten years after the end of the The Long Way Home, Diana has to wrap up some family business in Portland before heading to Vienna.


As memorials go, Sean Renard's leans more towards an Irish wake than he probably would have anticipated. He betrayed just about everyone he'd ever met, but there's a faction here in Portland who remembers the man before the throne-the man who was a surprisingly decent cop and a dedicated father and, through all the twists and turns, somehow just one of them.

Sometimes you just don't get to choose your family, so everyone in the Schade-Burkhardt living room stands to toast Sean Renard's ashes with a glass in their hand while the banter flows.

"He was a great man," Rosales says, trying to make the best of it as usual, only to be interrupted by a snort from her husband.

"He was a slippery bastard," Monroe says, taking a sip from his snifter.

"But he was our bastard," Wu says.

"Most of the time, anyway," says Hank.

"He didn't manage to kill anyone we care about," Nick offers.

"Except for Meisner," Trubel says, giving Nick side eye over her coke.

"And the rest of HW," Eve adds.

"But he did give me Diana," Adalind says, smiling at her daughter over her champagne flute. "And so did Meisner, really."

"My father gave me everything he could," Diana says, smiling at the circle of people who raised her well in spite of her father's best efforts to thwart them at every turn. "And he gave me a few things he really shouldn't have, and that's all I could have asked for, in the end."

She raises her glass, and they all follow suit.

"Anyway," she says, "here's to my dad, the King. May he rest in peace in the dimension of his choosing."

They all drink on the toast and then the room bustles with activity again. There's food to eat and wine to drink and for one memorable moment, Nick spins her mother around the living room like it's a dance floor. He's pretty spry for sixty-five, and he's just as sickeningly in love with Adalind as ever.

It's been a good ten years since Diana moved back to Portland. Ten years in which she's learned a lot from defending vulnerable people and helping the Mayor run the city, but there are moments like this-watching her parents sway together in their living room while Monroe wolf whistles and Rosalee laughs-when Diana still can't believe she's lucky enough to have a family like this.

"They're adorable, aren't they?"

Diana turns to find Alice at her elbow with a bottle of wine to top up her glass.

"They're always adorable. Do you ever worry our love stories will never begin to touch theirs?"

"Nah," says Alice. "My wife's been in love with me for literally forever. They can keep their whoopsie-daisy, enemies to lovers nonsense to themselves."

"That's fair. And how is Nimue?"

"Oh, you know. Merlin once called her tempestuous in 602 AD. It's been a millennium and a half, and I'm still sorry!"

She shouts the apology in the direction of the kitchen, and Diana can hear Nimue shout back:

"It was the way you said it!"

"So, legally married life...?"

"Surprisingly all it's cracked up to be. How's motherhood treating you?"

Diana doesn't get a chance to answer. Alex appears out of thin air, clutching on to her aunt's leg for balance with a grubby hand stained by what looks like blue frosting.

Why is it always blue with five year olds?

"Hey little girl," Alice says without a blink. She probably saw her coming five minutes ago. "What's up with you?"

"Mommy says I might be a real princess soon," Alex says proudly.

"Yeah? And what does that make Mommy?"

"She's a Queen!"

"Okay," Diana says, "that's enough of that for now. Where's your father?"

Alex rolls her eyes. Diana never realized five year olds could do that before she had one.

"He's in the kitchen with Aunty Trubel. They're talking about killing things again."

"Yeah, they do that. Why don't you go see Lily? Maybe she can tell you something about the spice shop. She's taking it over soon, you know."

"I already know everything about the spice shop." Alex is whining now, but Diana just points a finger at Lily, who's sitting by herself curled up on the end of the couch with a book, pushing her thick black glasses up her nose and brushing an auburn curl out of her eyes. Alex goes with a downcast look, and Alice smirks at Diana.

"Yaaaas, queen."

"Don't start. Is Lily really reading a book at a wake?"

Alice shrugs. "You know how she is. Large groups make her nervous, and you just sicced a five year old on her."

"She likes Alex! And besides, who knows how long Alex will have to bond with the whole family like this."

"So you are going then? To Vienna?"

Diana lets out a breath and shares a look with her sister. Alice must know already. That's the thing about Alice. She always knows how things are going to go, but she still never assumes. She never tells the future now, she just tries to live it.

"I'm going. I think I have to."

"Mmmm. Plus, you know, the crown jewels. Big, big diamonds there."

"Yeah," Diana says on a sigh. "I'll let you play dress up with my tiara if you tell me how the internecine warfare is going over there right now."

"Not a chance. But-give it a day or two. There's no sense fighting all of the contenders for the crown when you could just take it off the strongest at the end."

"I really love you."

"Good," Alice says, "now come help me cheer up Lily."

"Cheer her up? What's wrong?"

"Kelly."

"What?"

"He's not here."

"Tell me about it. It's my father's memorial, he could at least make an effort."

"Diana—"

"Right, I know he's busy trying to keep that detective agency afloat. Too busy for Lily? Are they together? Is he even over his flavor of the month phase, yet?"

"No idea. But she keeps checking the door and sighing, and there's only one person who's not here."

"I can't believe Dad hasn't recruited you for the police yet."

"He gave up when Maddie volunteered."

"Well, he's always liked claws in a detective partner, especially since Hank retired. Where did she and Tom get to anyway?"

"They're arguing the merits of prosecution in the dining room. I don't think she's ever forgiven him for going to work in the DA's office."

"Cops and lawyers and triplets to boot? Let's steer clear of them. Mom and Dad are bad enough. Lily it is."

They turn to go rescue Lily from Alex, but then Kelly arrives, shepherding a statuesque, platinum blonde through the door in front of him. He's looking at her with dark, adoring eyes, like she's a queen in her own right, and then he looks up to take in the rest of the room with a sheepish grin.

"So, guys, funny story... This is Guinevere."

* * *

Introductions are made, and if anyone's surprised Kelly brought a date to the wake, they're kind enough not to share it with the group. Diana does her best to help Alice distract Lily, but when it's clear that's not working, she gives up and joins her mother and Rosalee at the kitchen door.

"So, what do we think?"

"She's a witch," says Adalind.

"I'm sure she's lovely," Rosalee says.

"For a witch."

"Mom, we're witches."

"Yeah, which means we know a bad witch when we see one, and this one's a real doozy."

"Who's a doozy?" Nick asks from behind them, and Adalind doesn't even turn, she just leans back against him automatically.

"Guinevere. She's a witch."

"Oh, yeah. I saw the woge. I hope Kelly knows what he's doing."

Adalind does look at him then, raising an eyebrow in the process.

"He's your son."

Nick sighs. "So there's no hope, then. You don't think she's pregnant?"

"Dad!"

"What? It's been known to happen."

Monroe joins the group then, sliding an arm around Rosalee and giving her hip a squeeze.

"So this new chick," he says quietly. "Hexenbiest, right?"

"100%" says Nick. "What's your bet on pregnant?"

"I'll take that bet," Hank says, appearing on Diana's side.

"Me, too," says Wu, and then Diana looks up because almost the whole family is gossiping in the kitchen doorway right now, which means—

They left Kelly and Guinevere with Eve.

Diana doesn't exactly run across the room, but she doesn't not run across the room, either. She reaches Kelly's side in time to hear Eve ask the question of the night.

"So you're a hexenbiest, right? Who are you working for?"

"Working for?" Guinevere gives a little, tinkling laugh that doesn't quite reach her eyes, and Diana decides right then and there that she's evil. "Who would I be working for?"

"Any of the bad guys this family puts away every week? The new fringe of Black Claw rising out of eastern Europe? A cadet branch of the Royals looking to assassinate the future Queen? So many choices, none of them good."

"Hey, Aunty Eve, back off," Kelly says. "Guinevere came to me for protection, let's show her a little of that old family charm."

Eve just blinks at him. "This is my charm."

Diana laughs and then tries to turn it into the least convincing cough imaginable. In the end, she gives up on subtlety and just grabs Kelly's arm.

"Can I have a word, baby bro? Guinevere, really a pleasure. Don't hex Eve, she doesn't like it."

Out on the porch, she guides Kelly to the porch swing and pushes him into it a little harder than strictly necessary. He's been protesting the whole way, and she was a little annoyed to begin with.

"You brought a strange hexenbiest to our parents' house? Are you nuts?"

Kelly glares at her under his eye lashes. She can see his mouth moving, but she's not catching any of it.

"What's that mumbles?"

"I said everyone else was doing it."

He sounds really mad now, and Diana's getting mad, too.

"What does that mean? You're mad that Alice had to rescue her elemental goddess wife from a perpetual pond?"

"No," he says, "I'm mad that everyone else in this family has a fucking true love story, and I can't keep a girlfriend for more than three months."

"Well whose fault is that? We loved Laura. Becky was cool. We could even have rolled with Cynthia, if you'd actually been able to commit."

"How the hell am I supposed to commit to anyone or anything when I can't tell anyone what I am or who you all are? At least Guinevere is a part of our world."

"Probably the bad part!"

"You don't know that. You're just judging her sight unseen because as far as this family is concerned, no hexenbiest that isn't our hexenbiest can be a good person."

"Okay, we are judging her, but you have to admit, even Alice didn't bring Nimue home without vetting her entire life history. When did you meet this girl?"

He's back to mumbling again then, and Diana rolls her eyes and just amplifies his words with her powers.

"Today? Kelly, what the hell? I have a five year old in there."

"She's Guinevere!" He's shouting now and she winces before she can turn down the amplification. "And I'm Arthur, right? So I just thought..."

"What? What did you think?"

"I thought-finally," he says on a sigh. "I thought it was a sign."

Diana sighs, too. He's not wrong. It could be a sign. In their family, it's almost always a sign.

She moves over to the swing and makes him budge up to make room before settling in next to him.

"You could be right," she tells him. He's got his head in his hands, pulling at his dark hair the way he always has when he's stressed.

"Or I could be an idiot," he says, "or bewitched, I guess."

"It's not a spell. Not the usual kind, anyway. I can't detect it, so either she's better than me or—"

"No one's better than you," he says, leaning back with a sign.

"Not yet. Was it love at first sight then?"

"I don't know," he says. "She walked into my office like Brigid O'Shaughnessy, and I thought, yeah, that's why I became a private detective, this is great. And then she introduced herself and asked for my help, and I just thought, well, here we go again."

"Oh."

"Did you know? With Dan. Did you know at first sight?"

"Of course not. Although—"

"Yeah?"

She shrugs. "It was the fourth date, and a glass broke, and I saw his eyes. His Grimm eyes. That's when I knew. Don't know why, but I knew."

"Oh."

"Was it like that with Guinevere?"

"She didn't woge. Not in front of me. I don't know."

"Okay. It's early still."

"Yeah, too early. We'll go."

"You don't have to—"

"Yeah, we do. You're right, no one can know about Alex. Not until you lock down the throne and crush the competition. We're not risking her on a hunch about my soulmate."

"Thank you," she tells him, squeezing his arm because he's her only little brother, and she loves him even when he's impulsive and it takes him a while to think things through.

"Of course," he says, looking at her know with a small, sad smile. "And sorry. With all of this, I forgot about your dad. I'm really sorry Diana. For your loss and for, you know, Guinevere and missing most of the memorial."

"It's okay. I know you love me."

"Yeah, I do. All right, we'll go now."

He gets up to leave, but Diana holds on to his arms to keep him there for one last question.

"I just have to ask-you didn't break Lily's heart at some point, did you?"

"What? Lily?"

"I know, but I have to ask. She wasn't thrilled when you showed up with Guinevere. You didn't lead her on did you?"

"How could I lead her on? She hasn't even talked to me in five years."

"Really?"

"Yeah. One day I went to the shop for help with a case, and Monroe was all Monroe, and Lily just rolled her eyes and walked right past me, and that was the last time she acknowledged my presence at all."

"What did you do?"

"What did I do? Why is it always my fault?"

"Kelly, I love you, but it is usually your fault. The triplets are the oldest friends we have, and Lily is the sweetest person we know. What did you do?"

"I don't know!"

"Well find out!"

"Okay!"

"Good!"

There's silence then while they both get their breath back, and then Kelly grins.

"You're really getting into this queen thing, aren't you?"

"Well, I'd better be. Alice says it'll only be a few days before I need to leave."

"She should know. I know you don't need me to slay any dragons for you, Di, but I'll keep the home front safe."

"You'd better. Alex is going to need a lot of Portland summers and holiday vacations with her Uncle Kelly."

"Can't wait. Give 'em hell over there."

"That's what I do."

* * *

The night winds down after Kelly leaves. Diana helps Dan put Alex to bed in Alice's old room. They're taking no chances at this point, so they're staying at her parents' with Eve and Trubel until they can get a handle on the power struggles in Vienna. Three Grimms and three hexenbiests should about do it.

"It seems like yesterday she was just a little peanut," Diana whispers to Dan while he holds her in the doorway of the bedroom, and they watch Alex sleep.

"Yeah. Those five years went quick." He squeezes her waist and brushes his lips over her cheek.

"Are you okay with this?" she asks. "Leaving Portland? Becoming a Royal?"

"I said I'd follow you anywhere. I meant it."

"Yeah, but it's real now." She turns in his arms to look at him, but with his face backlit and shadowed from the light in the hall, she can't quite read his eyes. "I'm going to be Queen soon, and we're going to have to form a government and keep the peace and, you know, run the world behind the scenes for the rest of our lives. And after us, it will be Alex's turn. So I'm really asking, Dan. Are you okay with this?"

He doesn't respond immediately, and when he does, she shivers a little.

"What if I said no?"

It's her worst fear. They've had ten beautiful years together, seven of them married, but he was just her blind date from Boston once. They don't even talk to the friend who introduced them anymore, because how would they explain all of this? And of course he didn't sign up for any of it. Of course he doesn't want to be her consort, and bow and kneel and follow her everywhere, three steps behind. Of course not, but—

"I'd still have to go. I'd miss you every day, but with or without you, this is what I was born to do, and I can't trust anyone else to do it for me."

He smiles then, pulling her out into the hall. In the light now, she can see his eyes, and they're so full of love, she can't help but let a tear fall.

"That's why I'll follow you," he tells her, leaning in close, pressing her into the wall. "Because you're the only woman for the job-you care so much-and I'm unbelievably lucky to get to share this life with you. I wouldn't have it any other way."

He kisses her then, and it's just as good as it always is to be loved like this. She's so glad she doesn't have to do any of it alone.

* * *

Later, they join her parents in the kitchen. Eve and Trubel are taking the first watch of the perimeter, and there's a few hours before they need to relieve them. Besides, there's a lot to discuss.

"So who are we thinking for the coronation gown?" Adalind asks. "Oscar de la Renta? Versace? Vera Wang?"

Diana laughs. "Let's secure the government first, Mom, and play dress up later. You can have whatever designer you want, I promise."

Nick grins at his wife. "How about Armani?"

Adalind rolls her eyes. "What is it with you and Armani?"

Nick shrugs, smiling to himself now. "I just have a soft spot for you in Armani."

Diana looks to Dan. "Do you have an opinion on gowns?"

Dan shrugs. "That dress you wore for Alice's wedding was nice."

"It was a bridesmaid dress, Dan. They're all horrible."

"Not on you."

"That's the right answer, kid," Nick says while Diana gives Dan a quick kiss, and Adalind beams.

Eventually, they get to the matter at hand.

"Alice says I should wait a few days and then take out the final contender before he solidifies his power."

"That's a sound strategy," Nick says. "How can we help?"

Diana bites her lip and looks to Dan, who gives her a small nod of encouragement.

"You're not going to like it," she tells Nick, turning back to meet his serious eyes.

"Try me."

"We want you to stay here. With Alex. If this goes wrong, she needs to be protected and raised well and loved and-Mom, Dad, I don't know anyone better at that than you two. If we can't do it, you're the only ones I want raising Alex."

Nick and Adalind share a look, and in it Diana can almost see thirty years of partnership and love and magic flow between them in the air.

"Of course, Diana," her mother says. "It would be an honor."

"And we'd love to have her," Nick adds, "but you're not going alone, right? We've got a whole family of fighters, don't leave them all behind."

"I'm going to ask Trubel and Eve to come. Between the four of us and my powers, it should be an even fight, and they're the nomads of the family anyway. Kelly's going to keep an eye on Portland, and I know Alice and Nimue will keep him in line until we can bring Alex with us and free you guys up for your usual shenanigans."

"You've got a plan for everything then," Nick says with a small, proud smile. "What happens after the take over?"

"We reform the government. Dan's going to take over the Verrat and reorganize them into the peace keeping force they should have been from the beginning."

"Just me and a hundred Hundjägers, what could go wrong?" Dan says, grinning at Diana, who rolls her eyes.

"I have faith. We're also going to need to beef up the justice system, because there are a lot of people who've gotten away with horrible things in the shadow of the Royals, and that needs to end now. Mom, we're going to need a lot of attorneys for the prosecution and the defense, and a few judges. Do you know any that I can trust to do this right?"

Adalind nods. "I'll make a list. Start with Tom. I think Portland's getting too small for him, and he's the best they have in the DA's office. He could be your chief prosecutor."

"That's a great idea. Rosalee and I have been in touch with the new wesen council, and they've endorsed my bid for the throne. We're going to form a new board to advise the crown. They're going to name three wesen and three Kehrseite-Schlich-Kennen, and I'm going to track down three Grimms and two hexenbiests. With me, it'll be a board if twelve people from every group who will have a say in how my government it run."

Nick looks to Adalind with a smirk. "We didn't teach her how to do any of that."

Adalind shakes her head. "That's all Rosalee."

"It sounds great, kid," Nick tells Diana, and she lets out the breath she's been holding. His approval feels like half the battle.

"Who are you thinking of for your Grimms and hexenbiests?" Adalind asks.

"No immediate family, of course, but I am going to ask Trubel and Eve. They'd be perfect for the board, and they know people we can trust to join us from all over the world."

"Some people aren't going to like it," Adalind says. "Stocking the advisory board with yes women is not going to look good."

"I think they'll get over it when they actually see them in action. Trubel is going to be the toughest vote, and Eve's going to be a major pain in the butt. But they can't be bought, and they won't let anyone try to kill me, so we need them. I need them."

Nick leans back in his chair and nods. "All right. I'm impressed."

Adalind nods with him. "Yep. Our daughter's going to run the world. Who would have imagined?"

"Only everyone she's ever meet since birth, Adalind."

"Oh, right. I always forget about that."

* * *

The funeral takes place three days later. They bury the King next to Catherine Schade, and if that's not weird enough, Diana could almost swear she catches a glimpse of her grandmother Elizabeth out of the corner of her eye. How that sorceress is still kicking is anyone's guess, but Diana hopes to meet her one day, if only to ask her about her skin care regimen.

"So, we're thinking poison, right?" Monroe asks later, standing next to the freshly filled grave.

"Definitely foul play," Wu says. "Why else would you burn the body and send only ashes to the next of kin?"

"Unless he's not actually dead," Hank says, and then they all look at the headstone in silence, each contemplating that thought.

It reads "Sean Renard, Father, Friend, and a Prince among men. Rest in Peace."

"I really hope he's dead," Adalind says, looping one arm into Diana's and giving it a squeeze. "Sorry, baby."

Diana shrugs. "I get it. He better be gone, because once I take the throne, I'm not giving it back."

"No takesies backsies," Kelly agrees with a nod. "Alice, do you want to share with the class?"

"Nope," Alice says promptly, leaning into Nimue with a contented smile. "I'm good."

"So…" Diana says, looking over the small army of her family with a smile. Wu and Hank, the triplets and Monroe and Rosalee, Kelly and Alice and Nimue, Nick and her mother, Dan and Alex. Her eyes finally settle on Trubel and Eve, and she grins. "Wanna go stage a small coup d'etat?"


End file.
